Here in the United States Russian is a very useful language to know. Although I continue to hear rumors about a growing Russian ex-pat community in Lowell I have yet to really run into them. I have not (yet) heard of any Russian grocery stores or even more sadly- bookstores. If I need anything “Russian” I have to get it online or brave the unpleasant bookstore owner in Brookline who does not encourage browsing or questions.
I say it is useful because unlike Spanish which is practically everywhere and taught in every middle school and high school, people are not all that impressed if you can speak Spanish. No one expects you to speak Russian and no one certainly expects a non Russian to speak Russian. I have one friend who works with the poor in a smallish New England city who contacted me one day because he was visited weekly by a Russian man who was looking for donations and refused (or chose not) to speak English. Not sure how I could have helped that situation I was just happy that he thought I could be useful.
Mostly I speak Russian in my head, to myself, alone.
However I have found one “public use” for my Russian skills. I use them in the Mall when approached by the assorted people selling practically useless things at the kiosks. You know who I am talking about. The people who are selling skin products, screen protectors, gaudy hair jewelry and cell phone plans. They approach you as you walk by and ask you something about skin care or your cell phone and they only need to suck you in for ten seconds and then you are there for thirty minutes. Escape is difficult once these sales people get going.
So my trick is to say «Нет спасибо» (no thanks) if approached as I walk by. Usually this works. The salesperson assumes I am speaking some crazy language and they can’t sell me something anyway. I am more trouble than the sale is worth. I say usually because this tactic failed epically last week.
They were selling ceramic hair irons, three young guys selling something I did not want or need. So the young one with dark hair approached me and asked me “Can you take a moment for me to show you…” and I replied “Нет спасибо» and instantly heard «АГА красывая женщина вы говорите по- русский!!! Прекрасно! Мы говорим по- русский тоже!!!» (Wow beautiful woman you speak Russian! We speak Russian also!)
Crap
I could keep walking away however in addition to teaching and practicing Russian, each of my Russian overseas friends has emphasized the importance of being polite. Or as my Tashkent friend has said- “You must learn to be polite in at least one language.”
UF
Also this young guy called me beautiful. Sale or no sale it was still a nice gesture.
(The following exchange took place in Russian; the dark haired guy’s name was Avi)
Me: “Yes I do speak Russian.”
Avi: “All of us speak some Russian, are you Russian?”
Me: “No I am American. I have studied Russian for almost four years”
Avi: “WOW!” (Pointing to his kiosk comrade) “His girlfriend is Russian. Sit sit…please please…let me just show you this product.”
Me: “Um…ok where in Russia are you from?”
Avi: (puzzled look on his face) “What?”
Me: “In Russia, where did you live?”
Avi: “What?”
Here I switch to English and learn that these three guys are NOT Russian. (Knew I had my verb and tense correct!) They are Israeli. They met in the army and Avi learned Russian from the Russian speaking soldiers. His fellow Israeli soldiers were annoyed by the Russian Israelis, so Avi learned Russian from them and hung out with the Russians instead.
Avi: “My comrades said- Avi those Russian guys are so annoying, they should all speak Hebrew. So I learned Russian and annoyed the Israelis!”
Me:“And then?”
Avi: “They adopted me!”
Me: “And now?”
Avi: “And now I am in America! My whole future is ahead of me I can do or be anything here. What do you do?”
Me: “I am a teacher, I teach theology.”
Avi: “Judaism?”
Me: “Well it is a Catholic school, but yes I have many opportunities to teach about Judaism.”
Avi: “It is a beautiful faith.”
Me: “Yes it is.”
Now he begins to sing a Russian folksong to me. He is very entertaining. And now I am in the chair and he is playing with my hair and telling me all about this amazing product. It straightens, it curls, it de frizzes, it costs $200, but if I buy two I can get a third for free, and if I buy two they are only $100 each. I do not understand this business plan but it starts to make me wonder how much these things are really worth.
Avi: “So why do you speak Russian?”
Me: “It is a beautiful language with a rich history.”
Avi: “Have you ever been there?”
Me: (in Russian) “Sadly no, not yet.”
Avi: “You have to go! I have not been there either, maybe for the Olympics.”
Me: “Or the World Cup.”
Avi: “Even better!”
I was very polite,in both languages. The whole sales pitch and demonstration was half in English and half in Russian. Avi from time to time calling to the other two guys “Come over here and speak Russian with her! She speaks really well!” I was not sure if this was more flattery but as I am increasingly confident in my skill I am pretty sure it was not all an act.
Avi: “So are you ready to have amazing hair?”
How do you answer that kind of question? No, I would like to continue with the less than amazing hair. I am over 40 and have decided to just phone it in. Adequate is fine with me, thanks.
Me: “Well it is a pretty cool tool but, with Christmas and all I don’t think I can spend that money on myself right now.”
Avi: “You have sisters?”
Technically yes, I did have sisters but I was not sure how my sister in law would respond to this as a gift. He was still persistent and I graciously took his business card. Just then my husband called.
“I am sorry I am meeting my husband for lunch I need to go.”
“I am going to be here until February! Maybe longer! Please come by again, think about this amazing product. We can speak more Russian!”
I know very well that if I go back I am going to walk away with no less than six of these. But maybe this cute Israeli guy will sing in Russian. Makes me wish some of my Russian women friends lived closer. But as I walked away in a shower of Большое спасибо's I realized my plan both failed and was a great success.
However, I think I need to find a new Mall.
