A recent conversation with a Russian friend gave me this idea, and while I should be occupying myself with more important things this week. Like worrying about the retreat Wednesday I have instead choose to distract myself with this.
And open letter to the Russian and American governments:
Dear presidents Medvedev and Obama:
First of all I would like to congratulate each of you on your accomplishments, but I would like to give you both a suggestion that would make you both amazing superstars of history. I know this is a crazy idea but hear me out. How about you both commit to ending the Cold war? I mean it! Once and for all let’s work toward real reconciliation, cooperation and understanding. I mean it! And this is not impossible but it takes people with a willingness to do work toward these goals, people with an ability to listen and most importantly and I know this is not often heard in diplomatic circles but a sense of humor would not be a bad idea either.
So, I am willing to offer myself (and any other willing disciples) for this new post. How about we call it Department of Russo-American Outreach and Understanding or Office of Russo-American Friendship initiatives? I am just spit-balling here. I am sure you each have competent people to come up with names although notice how clever this blog title is..huh? huh? Not bad eh? See I am already on the path to international friendship and a new history of peace between our nations and people. American’s pride ourselves for being open minded and free thinking curious people- Except where Russia is concerned. This is one of the last acceptable prejudices in the US. It is time it was over.
In my opinion here is what we need to do. (I use “we” because OBVIOUSLY I should be in charge of this office for reasons that will be readily apparent as you read through this blog post.)
1) We need more Americans who can speak fluent Russian. So I am thinking in the near future some kind of initiative to include this along with Spanish, and French. I mean there are already some schools that offer Mandarin. Why not Russian? Here’s the thing America: Russian speakers start learning English in school. So for those who think this is some kind of Neo-Marxist plot to teach Russian here- it’s not, just smart! This is a language that needs an early start. Plus think about it, just the proposal will make Glen Beck’s head explode and while not a proponent of violence I think we can agree this is not a wholly unpleasant side effect.
2) This initiative begins with me of course. So I think my home should be a place of this cultural exchange. I propose that somewhere between 10-15 Russian citizens (and 1 citizen of Uzbekistan, and possibly 4 Ukrainians) be flown over here every summer for “cultural exchange and education”. We will provide English practice and age appropriate cultural experiences. These visits should last between 2-4 weeks. I call this “pie diplomacy” trust me it will work…We will at the least send back very happy Russians.
3) Furthermore and building on initiative #2. I think I should regularly be sent to Russia for about a year maybe less for cultural exchange and research purposes. I would like the US government to purchase an apartment for me in Moscow or nearby city, a monthly train pass and a reasonable salary. Being based in Russia would allow me to become one of the “fluent Russian speaking Americans” I was talking about in #1. But in addition I could learn so much about Russia, it’s people, history and culture and share these findings with the American people when I return. In fact I think I should get to bring a few Americans over every few week to help with the “research”. As a nation don’t you think we need to know more about Russia other than the fact Palin can see Russia from her house?? And here is the great part…you know those same Russians who came to the US? Well what if I visit them in Russia and see how they live. No complicated process we could in fact use the SAME people over and over for this cultural exchange. We can call this “pirog and vodka diplomacy.”
4) I have only one policy request: Ban figure skating from the Olympics. (I know you are thinking “WHAAAT???”but really I am not joking.) I am emotional person and unless you can guarantee a gold medal for Russia in 2014 I think we just take it out all together. Our nations will be better off for it. In all things the first time would be rough but trust me this will save us a world of hurt. You can get back to me on this.
So for now that’s the plan. Check back here to see if I have anything new to add. And check the comments perhaps there are some wise voices from the Russian world that may have ideas also. I am sure given all the work I have done online in the past two years I am glowing on some national security something. Call Dick Cheney I am sure he can help you track me down.
Hugs and kisses
Elizabeth
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