Now all I need is a dolphin…and a monkey

One of my favorite comedians is Eddie Izzard. I discovered him a few years ago and after watching only one standup show I was hooked. I find his comedy intelligent and thought provoking. For example to explain why the Anglican Church never was able to hold an inquisition because their idea of torture is "You will have cake with the vicar or death." "Well then…cake please!" Cake or death! This is still a huge joke in my house. But the parts of his routine that really makes me laugh until I cry are his thoughts on learning languages. (Also his thoughts on why invading Russia in the winter is a bad idea e.g. Napoleon…and then Hitler. Part of the failure was that Hitler never played Risk as a child.) They are funny anyway but if you are struggling to learn a language they are hysterical.

In the show "Definite Article" he talks about learning French and how every textbook seem to have the example: La souris est sous la table, le chat est sur la chaise et le singe est dans l'arbre.(The mouse is under the table, the cat is on the chair, and the monkey is in the tree.) The first two as he says are pretty easy to work into a conversation the third not so much. Learning a language is full of this kind of stuff. For the first year I think I tested the patience of some Russian speakers with my relentless sentences about dogs. Everything was about a dog.

And let's face it, who has not come across some sentence and thought, "when the heck am I going to use that!" But here are a few that will be challenge to work into any conversation: Many of them you will notice involve sea creatures.

Моржи объединились и поплыли – The walruses joined together and swam off.

Акула позавтракала спортсменом – The shark breakfasted on the athlete.

Самый высокий человек в мире спас дельфинов- The tallest man in the world saved the dolphin.

Медведь пососал лапу, заснул и проспал всю зиму.- The bear sucked it's paw, fell asleep, and slept the entire winter.

But then there are some that I would love to use:

Зачем меня на части рвете!- Why are you tearing me to pieces!

На раздевайте манекен.- Don't undress the mannequin

Я в музыке моей к тебе стремлюсь – In my music I long for you.

Это молчание я характеризую как вранье. – I characterize this silence as lying.

Укажи мне дорогу в тбое сердце- Point me the way to your heart.

And then a few I hope I will never need.

И тогда он схватился за топор. – And then he grabbed for an axe.

После концерта были зарезаны двое молодых людей. – After the concert, two young males were stabbed.

Ему выстрелили в лицо- He was shot in the face.

Избежит ли он казни? – Will he escape execution?

Language is fun…and now I feel prepared for just about any situation.