OMG!!

On Sunday quite unexpectedly the handle to my kitchen sink broke. One moment my eldest son was getting himself a drink of water and the next moment he was holding the handle in his hand. Normally such a home repair would not seem to be the catalyst for the decisions and events that unfolded, but in my mind it all started with the sink. I was without an operable kitchen sink, I was getting used to domestic setbacks. A few months ago (before Easter) our dishwasher was broken and back in December (before Christmas) I was without a working oven. In regards to the oven I found it interesting that both my students and more than one of my Russian friends thought that I had kicked my oven or that my oven was in some way a victim to my aggression. In my defense the door became stuck and the oven door was broken in my attempt to "un-stick it". One of my students drew a now famous picture of me in a Santa hat kicking my defenseless oven with the following dialog floating above my head. – One Russian guy "Did you kick your oven?" Other Russian guy "I think you did kick your oven." And me saying "grrrrrr I hate my oven!!" When my dishwasher broke I received very little sympathy from any of my Russian friends who explained "we wash our dishes with our arms our whole lives."

So my in-operable sink was simply the latest casualty. And to make life more interesting my husband was going on a business trip Monday morning so who knows how long I was in fact going to need to haul water in pans and pitchers from the bathroom to wash dishes. "Look it works!!" he says cheerfully to me. "Just get the water from the tub and you can wash everything just fine! Think of it as camping!" In his mind "think of something as camping" is equated with fun or even a normal state of being. To an Eagle scout life should be camping. I on the other hand don't think I should have to camp in my own home unless there is some natural disaster.

Late Monday he contacts me with one of those good news/bad news emails. The good news was he was coming home Wednesday evening to fix the sink.The bad news was he was leaving at 4:00am for Vegas and would be gone until Friday. He paused and then added. "I have more the bad news. I may have to go to Denmark this summer but the good news is you can come with me." We will wait to see if that will materialize. I suppose I could walk to Russia from Copenhagen. I think Leonid will meet at the border. For now I was going to get the sink fixed. Two days, I just had to make it two days.

Tuesday I am making dinner for the kids, one of my one pan wonders: Southwest rice and beans. I have the computer on streaming Наше Радио- 101.7 Москва. And suddenly my Skype starts ringing. I thought it was my husband calling me. It wasn't, it was Max. Russian Max, Russian Max from Ryazan, which is in Russia.I knew Max and his wife Tanya were visiting the US and I knew they were going to be in Boston. He is a week early in my opinion, I was really hoping he was comming the next week and therefore getting me out of the Baccalaureate. You see how my luck is going.

"HELLO ELIZABETH WE ARE IN BOSTON!!" The computer connection is not too good for some reason, so I ask him to call me on my cell phone. After some fumbling around with the available telecommunications I get the story. They are in Boston for about one day and Tuesday night is the only night they could see me. I am not about to pass this up I just need to figure out how. My daughter is at a track meet and I need her home to watch her brothers. We agree on 8:00pm. I am trying to think of where to meet. Max tells me he has a GPS. They will find my house. This is what passes for normal in my house. Really, this is totally normal.

"OK BOYS!! We have 2 hours until the Russians get here! I need you to help me for 30-45 min WE NEED TO GET THIS HOUSE UZBEKISTAN CLEAN!" (Uzbekistan clean is a standard I established after seeing some photos of Andrey's apartment. It is a dreamland of cleanliness. Clean swept floors, neat bookshelves, and although I can't see inside the cabinets I am sure they are a well organized paradise!) My sons spring into action sweeping, and straightening they whole time asking me "They are really coming, really…here? You are really going to meet them tonight?"

Finally the house is picked up, and my daughter calls to tell me I need to pick her up at school. I give a few last minute tasks to the boys and zip over to the school. I am nervous but really excited. It starts to hit me I am going to meet in person one of the voices from the other side of the planet. My daughter gets off the bus to my excited jumping up and down. I swear I horrify her. "Come on let's go!!! Russians will be here in an hour!!" Her response- "Ok, which ones?" (see, totally normal)

I also contact one of my friend and colleagues on IM. "Russians and beer- you in??" She is agreeable and we start trying to figure out where to go and here is where I freeze and panic. In my mind the perfect place is my house. Except I have no sink in my kitchen, which in the big scheme of things is not really a big deal but in my mind it looms very large. In all honesty if it was any other Russians, Leonid, Irina, Andrey, Ilya or Vadim we would have made the best of it. At least in my mind that is how I'm playing this. Actually, on second thought no, I think I would have been freaking out more if it was any of them. So in my panic I choose to take my friends from Russia to (wait for it..) Applebees…yes that's right Applebees, and I have been kicking myself ever since. As soon as I decide it, I want a do over. But I am so glad they are coming I am hoping the company will outweigh all the other factors.This is really my husband's fault if he had been home I would have made a better decision. My first encounter has come to this. Beer and God knows what else at an American chain restaurant. I am such a wimp.

But the evening did not go too bad. We (my colleague and I) introduced them to Blue Moon beer, a tasty selection and a little eclectic. The food was not horrible and in the bar there were a group of college kids playing beer pong. The rules of which I was unclear on but thankfully my colleague was well versed, which scares me in its own way. The conversation was good and I did ok in Russian also (so I was told). I heard all about their travels and how amazed they are by the US and the people who live here. I heard about their first NHL hockey game. Sadly, the Bruins lost but it was still exciting. Max and Tanya were amazed by how tall my kids are I was amazed by how beautiful Tanya is and the brightness Max's smile. All these things I suspected but there was something wonderful to have your suspicions confirmed in person. We talked about all the normal things we usually talk about, work and kids, travel and beer. But now we were talking face to face not over the computer. It was очень cool!

The really amazing and wonderful thing for me was that although we were not in a restaurant I in a better state of mind would have picked (EVER), Max and Tanya are wonderful and beautiful people. I had seen photos of them obviously, but photos and even conversations does not prepare one for the real encounter, the real conversation when you are sitting face to face with someone who had been a virtual stranger in so many ways and now was a friend. A real flesh and blood friend! To quote a favorite Russian song- "тоже cool!"

I am looking forward to many more such meetings. So, Denmark anyone? Or I can just walk to the border...

It takes a village: Я люблю мою общину!

    Learning a language is a social activity. Think about it. Why would you sink time, money and frustration into such an activity if you had no intention of speaking it? Back in high school when Spanish and I were "an item" this was a little trickier. If I wanted to speak with native Spanish speakers I suppose I could have gone into Hartford or Springfield and hung around in bodegas until someone was willing to talk to me. My parents were appropriately suspicious of this idea. Once, my father brought me home a Spanish newspaper. I read it over and over again. And still…my grades in Spanish were not stellar. My Spanish practice was limited to talking to myself. I have always done this. I talk to myself all the time. I think this is because I process verbally and am an auditory learner. Or I need to have that little talk with my doctor...

    When I decided to learn Russian I certainly saw it as an intellectual, solitary exercise. I struggled with the language without context. Conversation is the context. When I began to work with native speakers: real Russians, I now had a context and such fascinating conversations. I can get to that later…this installment is about the types of people you should try to surround yourself with if you want to make any progress in your language of choice. To be clear, before I get "comments" most people are a combination of these types. No one is ever one thing all the time. Remember, you as the English speaker fit into these categories as well.

The grammarian: While this person may drive you crazy at times you will learn to love them and value them.Think of this person as a favorite coach or teacher. The teacher who made you work extra hard for that extra point, the coach who demanded more from you than you knew you had in you. Because here is the basic truth about language study; Of course people can speak their language but that does not mean they understand it. This person can make you a little insane, they are rigorous, they are tough, but having someone who has a deep understanding of the grammar is invaluable. When you are wrong they will tell you but they will also explain why you are wrong. They will check everything you write and say with exacting detail. You need this. Do not anger these people, they are essential. Do not make off handed jokes or try to say something clever with these people (unless you have earned it). Now, this is not to say these people are humorless task masters. In fact when you do or say something right NO ONE is more thrilled then them. Remember it is not only a language you are studying but a culture and way of life. It deserves respect and care, and so do they. LISTEN TO THEM.

The "comrade": Ahhh Мой товарищ, говорит со мной! The comrade takes many forms but mostly these are the people who also care about grammar and pronunciation but also want you to speak the target language and often. In general these people care less about small mistakes but who will call you on the big ones. They also will explain the grammar and syntax and if they don't know they will ask (usually their spouse who paid closer attention in school to such things) or look it up and get back to you. Comrades also will want to practice English and will ask you questions. There is a real give and take with a comrade. From this person you get real sense that you are both in this together. They will also, like the grammarian, push you to speak often and correctly. In fact when feeling strong the comrade will simply shut off the English or in some cases claim to forget English altogether. A fun game to be sure, so learn how to beg in your target language.

The buddy: In general this type may or may not care if you speak in the target language at all. They want to practice English and learn about you and your culture. They will be very patient with your lack of grammar and vocabulary. However, be ready to teach them English: IN DETAIL WITH EXAMPLES. The buddy is fun, the buddy will be infinitely impressed by your feeble attempts and as you improve you will have a great time practicing with them. The buddy is a great person to practice with, there is less worry about mistakes but you may pick up some bad syntax habits because they may not always correct you. But you can fix those mistakes when you work with your grammarian.

Your 12 step sponsor: "Hello, I am Elizabeth and I am addicted to Cyrillic letters, noun declension and verbal aspects." "HELLO ELIZABETH!" At some point you will realize your little "hobby" has taken over your life. At some point you will feel like quitting but you keep getting pulled in. You may feel like the language is "out to get you", or somehow all the vocabulary you worked in has been sucked out of your brain by aliens. Here is where you need the 12 step sponsor. They have seen the same aliens because they sucked the vocabulary out of their brain last week. They are sorry that they accidently gave the aliens your address. This is the English speaker or speakers who are also addicted like you are. As great and as helpful as your native speakers are sometimes it is wonderful to talk with a fellow traveler. They get you, you understand each other. Most importantly they understand why you work and study as hard as you do. You hold each other's hand and cheer each other on.

In reality, everyone is cheering for you. Everyone is cheering for each other. Learning a language as an adult is not the same as when you were in school. You work at your own pace on your own time. You want them to succeed they want you to succeed. The dream is all of you sitting around a table moving effortlessly between two languages and two worlds telling family stories, sharing history, seeking greater understanding, and deepening friendships.

It takes a community and communities are stronger when they speak!